Really Cas? A milkshake?
by Keefer
Summary: Human Au: Cas doesn't understand the attractive properties of a frozen dairy beverage on young males.


**A/N: I would say I am sorry, but I really am not. I just couldn't resist. I had seen enough little blips about this, so I decided to take matters into my own hands and write this little piece of shit myself.**

**I regret nothing.**

Dean walked up to Castiels house, whistling Led Zeppelin's 'Immigrant Song'. Rounding the corner to the house he was completely unprepared for the sight that struck him like a brick to his head. Castiel was sitting on his front porch steps, covered in his trench coat, eyes glued on a cup sitting in the middle of the yard. Walking by the cup on his way to the porch Dean noticed that it was filled with something white, and Dean left it at that, not wanting his mind to perverse the most likely innocent situation anymore than it currently had. Dean strode up to Castiel; sitting himself down next to the statue he called his boyfriend. Castiel had his eyebrows drawn together in concentration, his gazed unmoving, the blue boring into the glass.

"Cas?" Dean broke the silence, shifting his weight slightly, "What are you doing?" Dean was use to Castiel doing odd things, which was practically written in bold glowing letters in the boy's repertoire, but this was particularly weird, even for Castiel.

Castiel didn't move, his elbows remaining on his knees, his hands still hanging limp, "Bringing all the boys to the yard."

Dean had to take a double take, not quite believing that those words had just come out of Castiel's mouth, "Excuse me?"

Castiel pointed at the cup in the middle of the yard, his hand the only thing that moved, "Milkshake."

By now Dean was completely confused. Castiel wasn't making any sense, well less sense than he usually did. "Cas? What the hell are you talking about?"

Castiel sighed, finally removing his eyes from the milkshake sitting in the grass. He turned slightly so he could face Dean and stated, "Gabriel was listening to a song in his room. The song stated 'My milkshake brings all the boys to my yard' and I was curious. What kind of magnetic properties would a cooled dairy beverage have towards young males?"

Dean blinked at Castiel a few times before bursting out laughing, one hand clutching his gut as if to keep his insides within his body. Castiel just tilted his head at Dean, his blue eyes conveying the confusing that was emanating from his body, "Dean, what is so humorous?"

Dean used one hand to wipe away the moisture that had gathered in the corner of his eyes, taking deep breaths to try and calm himself down, "Maybe-" Dean had to take another breath, his laughter still too over powering, "Maybe Gabriels is better than yours."

Castiel returned his gaze to the milkshake, contemplating this new information that Dean provided him, "I had not thought of that. I will go ask him if he could make me one."

Dean chuckled again, his smile hurting his face, "You do that."

Castiel stood, entering the house with his trench coat billowing out behind him. Dean sat on the porch for a few seconds before he could hear noise coming from within the house. Even though Gabriel's room was one floor up and on the other side of the house, the surprised, "WHAT?" could be clearly heard by Dean, making his laughter return in full force.

Several moments later Castiel returned, clearly not understanding what happened with Gabriel.

"So." Dean had the grin of someone who just won the lottery plastered on his face, "What did he say?"

Castiel looked at Dean, his confusion at the level of finding out that the world was truly triangular when you always though it was square, "He said that Sam's was better."

Dean's face fell immediately, the humor dissolving from his face like acid, "SON OF A BITCH!" Dean practically leapt from his spot to the front door, his footsteps echoing through the house and progressing out the door to Castiels ears. Castiel sat back down on the porch, Dean's sudden disappearance not phasing him in the least. Resuming his staring at the milkshake Castiel could make out noises coming from the house, Gabriel's laughter suddenly turning into panicked plea's quickly followed by thundering foot falls from all over the house. Castiel ignored it; the sudden appearance of Shakespeare himself wouldn't faze the boy. He was too engrossed in his milkshake problem to notice anything of any grand importance. Besides, Gabriel and Dean were at each other's throats all the time anyway, it wasn't like this was a sudden turn of events.

Castiel didn't even flinch as Gabriel burst from the house like a rocket, making a break for the open road, trying desperately to get away from the raging bull behind him. As soon as Dean was clear of the porch, he dived at Gabriel, grabbing him around the waist and pulling him to the ground with him, both landing with grunts. Gabriel's palms had taken the force of the fall, blood slowly weeping out of his palms. Before Gabriel had enough time to fully asses the damage Dean was flipping him on his back, sitting on his chest, fisting his shirt and screaming in his face, "Take it back! Take it back Gabriel!"

Gabriel didn't even try to get out from the younger boys grip; he knew that it was completely useless. Instead he smirked up at Dean, smiling like the cat that ate the canary, "Wow Dean, kinky. It must run in the family." Gabriel's smile fell flat and he had just enough time to mutter, "Oh shit," before his nose had a run in with Dean's fist.

Sam looked at his watch, rolling his eyes when he saw that Dean was late, again. Sam knew he couldn't believe him when he said that he was just going to 'pop over to Cas''. Like THAT would ever happen. Sighing Sam threw his backpack on his shoulder and started walking over to the Novak's house, ready to drag Dean away kicking and screaming if that was necessary. Steeling himself for practically anything, or any position, Sam turned into the Novak's yard.

What he hadn't prepared himself for was Castiel sitting on the porch, staring at a miraculously sit standing milkshake while Dean and Gabriel were wrestling right next to it. The two boys were not evenly matched; Dean was far bigger than Gabriel, stronger too. The only thing Gabriel had going for him was his speed and determination; with both of those combined he was sure putting up one hell of a fight.

Sam could see blood streaming down Gabriel's face from what seemed to be a broken nose while Dean was sporting a broken lip and the beginnings of a very nice black eye. Sam ran over to the two boys, Gabriel had some how gotten on top of Dean and was about to hit the ever living shit out of his face when Sam grabbed him around his torso and lifted Gabriel off his brother. It didn't matter that Sam was six years younger than Gabriel; he was still as strong as an ox.

As Sam pulled Gabriel off of Dean, Gabriel started whining, "Aw come on Sammy! Let me at him!" Gabriel's feet were swinging in the air, his hands reaching out towards Dean, trying to grab him as the distance between them widened.

Sam placed Gabriel on the opposite side of the walkway, making sure he was in-between his brother and boyfriend. Putting his hands up he placed one on each of their chests, acting as a human barrier between them, "Alright, what happened?"

The words were barely out of his mouth when Dean started yelling, "This son of a bitch insulted your innocence!" Dean was staring daggers at Gabriel who was currently thanking God that looks couldn't kill.

"Innocence?" Gabriel scoffed, "I bet Sammy here could teach you a few tricks. There's this one thing that he does with his tongue-" Gabriel was cut off, letting out a less than manly squeak as Dean lunged at him, Sam barely holding him back.

The situation in the yard had finally taken Castiel's attention from the milkshake, his eyes soaking in the image before him. There was nothing he could do, Dean and Gabriel would fight it out and then be fine in the morning. Besides, there were more important things at hand. His milkshake was working.


End file.
